Southerners vs. Northerners

My sweet aunt from Chicago sent these to me today to make me smile. She succeeded. :)

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.



FOR NORTHERNERS COMING SOUTH

In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.  Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is  plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on  how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted  Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy.  Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this,! " you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Comments

[Garrett Smith]

I Think you are an ignorant and stupid northerner who has never been to the south and has no real idea what the people are like. You just use the same stereotypes all northerners use and think they are fact. I invite you to come to tennessee and see what we are really like P.S. We do have shoes, and I don't know any one who has picked up someone at a family reunion.

[treo700]

Hahaha!!! shawnz, this comment is to funny! I didn't know that being from Mississippi was considered a Northener. Oh well, you southern Yank!

[wopalockapino]

I am from the North and my family is from the south. I thought it was cute.

For the Gentleman above me, For God sakes Man, Have a sense of humor!

[Doc Midnight]

There is no need to take offense jokes like these. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves. Living in the north and being a northerner is great for me but I have never met anyone who will be as straight with you as a Southerner.

When I'm in the south I never have to run for a train or use a translation guide to order a cup of coffee.

We do still have a bit of bias on both sides but we can deal with it when it comes up and we don't have to have chips on our shoulders about it.

That's what's up.

[Marie]

My brother & sister attended my family reunion in Wisconsin. They were both hit on by our cousins. One of my cousins gave my brother a lap dance (My brother said that "at least it was free.") My other cousin was trying to bed my sister all night.

I was warned by my siblings not to visit my cousin. Especially not with my preteen daughter.

[Sherry]

Have a sense of humor people!

[JimmyY]

Having lived in both the north and the south I can say that people from the south resent people from the north much more than the other way around. I believe that it may have something to do with the south losing the Civil War. Get over it southerners! We are all just Americans.