Everything And Nothing

What I've done of the 75 Things Every Man Should Do

In celebration of its 75th anniversary, Esquire magazine makes a list of 75 Things Every Man Should Do. Here's what I've done (so far):

• Flown the red-eye from Vegas (Hell, I even played poker with nude showgirl cards while waiting to board the red-eye. Personally, I think I one-upped them here.)
• Made a list of 75 things to do before I die (Esquire say this is hard. But it's harder for me to stop. I now have Life Lists with friends too, separate from my own individual one even.)
• Recognize the accomplishment of others (This is waaaay too vague for a LIfe List, guys. Sheesh.)
• Do a flip off of a diving board. Nail it. (Unfortunately, I did many belly busters before nailing it. But such is life, I suppose.)
• Watch a bad movie so often that when you see it by accident you can recite lines verbatim just before they are spoken. (I can do this with good movies, too, fortunately.)
• Cultivate a reputation.
• Help someone dig out. (Fortunately, this does not always require shovels. Though I have done it with shovels too.)
• Shoplift. Then return what you stole. (Well, I wasn't going to, but my father found out...)
• Throw a real party. (I should get bonus points for how many times too!)
• Start something that scares you.
• Choose a word or phrase and actively work to never use it again.
• Cook the same thing (over and over) until you are known for it.
• Overspend.
• Quit something you love.
• Take care of someone else's three-year-old for a day.
• Listen to war stories.
• Tell war stories.
• Sing in public.
• Sell everything you don't need. Once. (I just left it. I think that should count.)
• Give up your seat.
• Attend the funeral of someone you didn't know that well. (Maybe it's a Southern thang, but we do this all the time.)
• Take a vow. Keep it.
• Eat a six-course meal that you prepared.
• Spend some time working for tips.
• Overeat for a week. (New Orleans, anyone?)
• Make beer, wine or moonshine. (Does apple cordial count? It was alcoholic!)
• Read Lolita
• Walk 20 miles. Bring water.
• Save something from the dump.
• Get a manicure.
• Get a deep-tissue massage.
• Raise a dog.

How to cure brain freeze

sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia - n., also known as "brain freeze", occurs when the temperature of your palate doesn't have time to normalize between spoonfuls of cold substances, causing the capillaries in the roof of your mouth to dilate rapidly, filling with warmth-inducing blood. The sudden expansion can trigger nerves at the back of your palate to fire off urgent messages to your brain, like "Oh my god, the head is freezing!" The blood vessels in your forehead then swell in a patter similar to a migraine (but lasting less than a minute).

To cure brain freeze, according to Mark W. Green, director of headache medicine at Columbia University, press your tongue hard against the palate to thaw it quickly or breathe into your hands to heat your mouth.

[ via Ada Brunstein, WIRED magazine, June 2008 ]

New Revised Edition

A young Benjamin Franklin wrote this doggerel verse in 1728 to serve as his epitaph. Franklin, who loved to write humorous and satirical verses as well as essays, made copies of this verse for friends at various times in his life. This version, not in Franklin's hand, was among the papers owned by Franklin's grandson, William Temple Franklin. It reads:

The Body
of
Benjamin Franklin, Printer
(Like the cover of an old book,
Its contents torn out,
And stripped of its lettering and gilding,)
Lies here food for worms.
Yet the work itself shall not be lost,
For it will (as he believes) appear once
more
In a new
and more beautiful Edition
Corrected and Amended
By
The Author

May the efficacy force be with you!

J.K. Rowling's book was rejected by 12 publishers before a small London house picked up Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor who said he "lacked imagination."

Decca Records turned down a contract with the Beatles, saying "We don't like their sound."

Michael Jordan was cut from his high-school varsity basketball team sophomore year.

What makes some people rebound from defeats and go on to greatness while others throw in the towel? Self-efficacy!

(So the next time someone tells you that you're self-delusional, just tell them you're full of self-efficacy!)

If I had my life to live over again...

"If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once a week; for perhaps the parts of my brain now atrophied would thus have been kept active through use.

The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness, and may posssibly be injurious to the intellect, and more probably to the moral character, by enfeebling the emotional part of our nature."

~ Charles Darwin

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Experts say even faking a smile can make you feel better. Well, they don't get any faker than this. Also available, "Frown-on-a-Stick," in case you're just too damn happy. ;)

$2.50

Rolling relief

Back pain? Microwave the Acuball for 50 seconds, then place it between y our lower back and a chair or the floor. Bumps on the ball's surface activate pain-relieving pressure points while heat soothes sore muscles.

Complete kit, $59.99

Eye site

When I was in high school in the 80s, color contacts first came out - and I had a friend that worked in the eyeglass store at the mall. We all frantically rushed over to try the new shades. This brown-eyed girl always knew her life would be drastically different with beautiful blue eyes. But I looked possessed. It was downright scary.

Hopefully, they've changed lots over the years. But at least it's easier to experiment now regardless. At www.FreshLookColorStudio.com, you can upload a close-up photo, pick your best shade (after trying them on), then print a coupon to bring to the eye doctor for a free pair.

Mood makeover

"We breathe primarily through one nostril for 90 minutes to two hours then shift to the other," Kristin McGee told Leah Wyar in Self magazine (Feb. 2008). "Breathing through the right side makes us alert, while the left side relaxes us."

To calm down: Use right thumb to close right nostril. Inhale through left side slowly for one full breath (four seconds). Pause one second, pressing left nostril with ring finger. Lift thumb and exhale slowly out of right nostril. Repeat eight times.

To perk up: Use right ring finger to close left nostril, inhale through right side slowly for one full breath (four seconds). Pause one second, pressing right nostril with thumb.Then lift ring finger and exhale slowly out of left nostril. Repeat eight times.

Start a new state of mind with just a few whiffs! ;)

Sob Story

Need to share your sob story? No problem. Each hankie comes with a corresponding note card and envelope for mailing.

$11.99